The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
my poor anus
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
