as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
