Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
