I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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