Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
