My brain says no but my pants say off.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
