mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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