Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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