That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
