dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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