If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
