Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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