what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
