My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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