I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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