It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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