I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
