So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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