I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
