That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
