Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
