haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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