Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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