My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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