we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
