Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
