Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
