you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The air was thick with penises
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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