ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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