When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
