even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My penis needs a shock collar
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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