We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
