Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
