she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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