I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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