Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
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