I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
