She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize