Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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