I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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