how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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