She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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