wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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