I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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