How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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