you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
