I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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