I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
