Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
