All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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