So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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