I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
