I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
