Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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