i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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