proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
