We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
