she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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