On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
