I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
