6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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