Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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