she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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