you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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