M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
