Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
