At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
