loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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