i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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