Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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