Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize