Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You're a waste of cheezeits
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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