My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize