Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
