he shaved USA in his pubs
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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