whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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