genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
