so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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