i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize