Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
