trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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