You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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