Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
