Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
