Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize