1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
