Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize