Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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