Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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