Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
