i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
