after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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