My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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