Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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