Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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