I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize