im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
