Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize