Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
