I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Randomize
