who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
