We're like a lot better than the average bears
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
