farters have to be the big spoon...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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