Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
