hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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